so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize