My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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