apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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