Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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