I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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