i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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