She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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