You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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