y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize