The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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