Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize