It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize