You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize