I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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