i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize