as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
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Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm bleeding and have questions
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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