Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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