woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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