Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
another moral hangover. fuck.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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