can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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