if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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