To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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