Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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