im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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