I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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