He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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