I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize