we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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