Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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