My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize