What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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