Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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