I want to walk on stilts...naked
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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