you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize