I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize