Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize