Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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