I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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