i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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