You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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