We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize