So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize