please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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