Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize