Your face is a jimmy john
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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