dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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