I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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