Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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