I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize