4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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